Marriage and Sex is a God Idea

I was thinking about a question asked by a Christian friend, “how do you know that you are in love with your wife?” I thought for a while and then smiled before I said, “As life presents its ups and downs, during those sad times, I want to cry with someone who understands my every tear drop, she does. 

As I see her, my heart rejoices, my eyes brighten while my penis adjust itself for a better view. When I kiss her, it’s from my heart and not only from my mouth. 

When I touch her, her soul responds and her body reacts, her nipples stand erect and her vagina smiles with moist lips. When we hug, she melts, feeling secure, safe, and comfortable, knowing that in all the men she has known this one loves her for who she is. When we make love, nothing else matters she is my only desire, my only focus, every inch of her body is to be softly touched and tasted. 

With unspoken words, we willingly give ourselves to each other while slowly and with our rhythm of love journey to a place of mutual euphoric climax. Our eyes meet as one, she makes that sound, that high pitch sound from her soul, as the heavenly designed shockwaves consumes her entire body with orgasmic vibrations that triggers my male response, I release, and then we both exhale the breath and sounds of pleasure. This is love. This is the love for my wife. Only God could have created such perfection. Only God. 

Making Your Spouse your best friend

The most important words to a married couple, beyond the ceremonial married vows and the personal optional vows are the words “I do.” 

I do, means, I do love you, the happiness I want for myself I’ll do for you, I do promise to satisfy you with all of me, my body is yours, I do promise to share with you my thoughts, my hurts, my desires, and my fears. Besides God, I do respect and regard you above all others. It is my intention to be your best friend and I do promise to be the listening ears you need. As you need comfort, I do give my body as your headrest, warm blanket, crying pillow, pleasure partner, stress reliever and balm of healing. I do means I am all yours as you are all mine. I do love you with all of me. My love

Listen Don’t talk until you hear me


I’ve sat in session after session listening to couples say to each other, “You are not listening to me!” It’s one of the biggest hindrances to solving problems and finding a resolution among individuals, couples, and organizations. 

I remember sitting in a training session some years ago and the trainer was explaining the concept of “active listening”, the ability to listen while someone is speaking without the urge to defend yourself or react. You simply listen, hear and respond, but your response is based on the compassionate and genuine care to find the why, why would you say that what’s causing you to feel this way? Ok, let me explain. 

Many times, while counseling I would hear couples say to the spouse, “you don’t really love me.” Instead of asking yourself why would my wife/husband say that? What have I done to cause them to feel that way? They are really hurt to say that, why? 

Here’s our normal reaction, “Well you don’t love me either! So, you feel I’m not hurt also? This immediate reaction of anger and self-defense is the warning God often mentions in the Bible and He call it being foolish and shameful. 

Closing Life’s Chapters

I’ve been often asked, “how do you move on after pain?” I often respond with; we all must learn how to close the chapters in our lives, it might not be always easy, but it’s necessary. It’s like reading a good book, the plot thickens and keeps you going to find out what’s next, you will never find out what’s next until you finish one chapter to move on the other chapter, it’s life. 

The way to move on or close your chapters, occur normally by one or a combination of words: I’m sorry – please forgive me – goodbye or I forgive you. Let me explain as I normally do, with a true story. 

When I met Richard and Nadia, they had begun divorce proceedings, because Nadia had cheated on two occasions and Richard was broken. I was teaching online at a marriage enrichment zoom session and they were invited by a friend to attend. 

That night I was answering a question about what causes infidelity. So, I was making the point that most times we deal with the results of cheating and the hurt it brings and never ask why? What caused the desire to go outside, where is the weak spot in the marriage, when did the communication and trust fail in the marriage where it created a void in you to be heard and comforted by someone else, When? Why? What? 

More Topics from the book

This topic is, in my view, the most important aspect of our existence outside of being saved. Forgiveness is not for the forgiven but for you. It’s like drinking poison and expecting it to hurt others. You will be hurt or die. 

Let’s expand a bit more. Jesus’s words on the cross before He said it is finished included “Father forgive them for they don’t know what they do.” Luke 23:34. This account is only recorded by Luke the doctor, no one else saw it important enough to bring this to our attention, but why? It’s a known fact that harboring anger, hatred, animosity and past hurt leads to anxiety attacks, heart disease, strokes, and heart attacks, un-forgiveness will kill you. 

This became very real to me when someone attempted to hurt my daughter by poison but failed. However, the trauma placed her in a severe catatonic state of mind. To explain, she stopped speaking, stopped interacting, stopped eating on her own, stopped taking care of her hygienic needs. She simply stopped living. 

So, from a beautiful, active television editor and director, someone pulled her desire to live by their selfishness. To further get the context, through the eyes of a father to see his only girl child/woman now reduces to being dead to life while living. Someone did that. How can you forgive such premeditated devilish actions? Then further pain came when I hired an investigator to find out what happened, that uncovered a bigger plan of hate all from Christians at a church. Based on jealousy, that led to an attempted murder. 

Well, I am pastor Jayden, this is my Only Lady Christine, not my First Lady, we have been married for 26 years and have been madly in love for the last 3 years. For 23 years she was my First Lady, so that meant I legitimately could have a second, third, fourth and fifth lady. Which I did. 

I grew up in a traditional church setting and my parents were pastors also and my father was Nigerian. The biblical mantra for me is faith comes by hearing, but foolish doctrine also comes by hearing, oh and seeing and being taught the wrong things, it’s how many of us as pastors get sidetracked and become demigods that can never be touched, and we believe this. 

When we got married, I inherited 57 churches from the passing of my father the senior bishop of our organization. My family was very scattered, my only sister was completely against the church, it’s biblical doctrine and always felt my father was a false prophet, that made my mother completely stressed and eventually had a stroke and went home to be with Jesus. I loved my father, so I followed in his footsteps. I truly believed God was orchestrating the steps of my life, so meeting and marrying Christine was a crowning period of my life. 

Within one year in my new senior pastoral/overseer position my desire for my wife was weakening as I was now being introduced to many women while traveling to different countries and states in the U.S. As I remind myself how this began, it struck me that while having a conversation with another Bishop who oversaw over 300 churches, I asked him how you maintain a healthy lifestyle while being so busy. He said, women! 

“It was early Fall, and we were at home praying and preparing for the last night of a three-night worship conference. I remember holding Sherron’s hand and saying thank you for loving me. This led to a kiss on her hand. She started to cry with joy and returned the kiss on my cheek. One thing led to another and soon our kissing became unbuttoning, unzipping, straps removing, skirt falling, pants dropping, panty and boxers on the floor. 

I thank God for my wife, so I kissed her forehead and said I love you, then continued to kiss her nose, lips, neck, shoulders, nipples, and breast.” Sherron interjected, “this made me moan and under my breath, all I can do is close my eyes and my heavenly language comes out. He continues to kiss my belly, navel then he enters the holy of holies, my clit, that causes me to burst into tongues. I held his head and directed it to the places and spots and as his tongue enters my vaginal doors and revisit my clitoral passage, I burst out into “God, I love you!!! 

Keith openly admitted that he got hooked on pornography after a senior member of his church advised him that one of the best ways to satisfy your wife is to use pornography. It gives ideas, shows techniques and you also gain visual experience (whatever that meant) but soon he got hooked. It did the complete opposite. While having sex with Rhonda, he would imagine the women in the books or DVDs, their sounds, bouncy breasts, acrobatic positions, and willingness to do anything the men wanted them to do. 

Reality check! 

Rhonda wasn’t like them nor was she going to do anything that made her uncomfortable. Soon frustration stepped in, and sex became very selfish and a chore for Rhonda. The enjoyment was gone for her. While having sex, he would ejaculate very quickly, so the time she needed to get to her orgasm was being eliminated. His ability to hold back his release was no longer on his mind because of his new habit. Keith made the best of every session, especially since his mind was on other women, so the woman in his bed was not the woman in his head. When he couldn’t get Rhonda to agree to have sex, he would simply masturbate repeatedly in secret. 

Within the first year, the invitations to date and hang out started to become more frequent, all from deacons, elders and pastors whom, were all married. Melinda states, “it was as though I had a sign on my back.” In the beginning, my answer was always no! But, by the third year, my resolve weakened. I began to entertain the idea. I thought to myself “ok, let’s see,” “probably,” “ok, why not?” These are all men I knew and trusted, so it was no big deal. 

At first, there were just casual dates, and as a good gentleman would, they paid for everything. However, some started offering to help with my personal needs like paying my rent, buying groceries, and paying my car note. I really enjoyed the attention and knew soon I would give in to the first kiss and even go all the way. 

By now, I had three married Christian gentlemen callers and since I lived alone, this was discreet and convenient. 

Hi I’m Pastor Shaw, I met my wife Chandra, at the age of 24. At that time in our lives, we both worked for an exotic club I was an erotic masseuses (making clients get orgasm using our hands) and my wife a strippers. We also knew that God was constantly making us feel uncomfortable with our lifestyle and choices. 

One Sunday, we decided to attend a local church service. I remembered the first time we visited this particular church; we were amazed to see how many of our customers and regular clients were church members. The embarrassment on their faces was so visible, as though people like us would never enter a church. 

But something happened to us that day. 

A visiting pastor was preaching, and he spoke as though he knew us. The message was simple, and he made God seem like the best thing since “sliced bread.” Needless to say, we gave our lives to God, changed our careers and now we are helping other couples. 

It’s been fifteen years since that day, but my life before Jesus now makes so much sense. 

Chandra often reminds me of the famous Japanese tradition of “KINTSUGI” repairing broken bowls with glue that’s mixed with gold to demonstrate that after being damaged or broken, you can be repaired and presented as a thing of value. 

That was us. 

As Christians, you would think that sex would be one of the last things on their minds, but the total opposite existed. James keeps himself in the best of health and maintains that if you don’t take care of yourself, you are selfish to the ones that love you. He has another reason and Marcia smiles, he always says, “he will live long, everything would remain hard, long and strong,” needless to say she meant his penis. Marcia continued, I also work out regularly, my husband’s passion and love keeps me turned on. 

Often while at work, especially on my lunch hour, I sit in my car, away from the other employees and remember our nights of passion. I can’t wait to get home many evenings. Let me give you an example. Here’s a story Marcia told me. I’m using the words of this spirit filled, God loving, woman minister. If you get offended, I’m only the messenger and scribe. Smile. 

At 8:30 pm, the family had just completed dinner and the children had gone to their rooms. James and Marcia remained at the dinner table, which was an oval glass design. Marcia couldn’t help seeing James’s cock already stretched at least six inches along his inner thigh. He was wearing a fitted track pants with his t -shirt covering most of his waist, but as he relaxed the six turned to eight, then nine inches. No words were said, but he kept his eyes glued to her nipples that seemed to get harder and higher as eyes were exchanged 

“One night I had a red eye flight to meet a customer the following day. Andrea and I have a sexual arrangement, before I travel, we pray and have unforgettable sex. This routine is repeated upon my return, so needless to say traveling has benefits, they both laughed. Not necessarily in that order, but you get where I’m coming from. 

My wife takes me to the airport as she normally would, but this trip was a bit different. 

It was about 9:45pm and the flight was delayed until midnight, so I sat in a comfortable position and prepared to wait. In about 15 minutes, a very attractive business dressed woman came and sat about two seats to my left, she said, “good night,” and I responded the same. It took about 25 minutes, after fiddling with her magazines, dropping her phone and browsing her tablet, she then said, “excuse me, are you traveling alone?” I said yes. One minute later another comment came out of her mouth, “you are a very handsome man,” I looked at her, smiled, and said, “my wife says the same thing, thank you.” 

Then the bombshell question came in about 25 seconds, “can I offer you a blowjob.” (oral sex or also known as “cunnilingus” when performed on females and “fellatio” when performed on males). 

Here where my statement comes in – I looked at her and smiled again, then responded this way, “thank you for the offer, but I’m well taken care of at home, my wife is an expert. I’m fine, please have a great night.”